Poo Poem

My brother once had a poo poem in his toilet. I could only remember the first line of his but I used it to start mine. It's his concept I nicked. He's got bags of great concept.

What an honour: to be the inspiration of poo poem II.

Poo Poem

Big ones, little ones
Ones that wedge the loo
Squidgy ones, firm ones
Ones that smell like a zoo
Deep brown, light brown
Ones that take time to come
'One wipe and go' ones
Ones that smudge on your bum
Sweetcorn ones, carrot ones
Ones that stick to the bowl
Jolly bad hangover ones
That squit out from your hole
Regular ones, strained ones
Ones that need a nice smelling spray
Ones propelled by wind
That mean you won't want to stay
Morning ones, evening ones
Ones you do around noon
Ones that make little skid marks
The ones that come to soon
Quiet ones, noisy ones
Unashamed ones done in the boys
Discreet ones done by ladies
Toddlers ones that double as toys
Floating ones, sinking ones
Ones done in a nappy
Ones that feel uncomfortable
Ones that make you happy
Ones that take you seconds
Ones where you forget what you're doing
Sitting on your lonesome
Oh the joys of pooing

and then I wrote it out for someone's toilet and he put it opposite a picture of Mary (Jesus' mum) so I had to write this disclaimer....

Disclaimer
While it is fully understood that Molly Potter (hereafter referred to as the author) has produced and given a poo poem (hereafter referred to as the work) to one Tim Mills (hereafter referred to as PB) absolutely no responsibility can be taken by the author for any offence the work might cause. Indeed, liability thereupon of receipt of the work passes entirely to PB for any such offence. In fact many people would say that the responsibility for possible offence has been enhanced by the positioning of the said poem in such close proximity of a pictorial representation of Madonna and Child. This was never, and would never be the intention of the author due to its blasphemous undertones thereof not ever indulged because the author is a good girl and never would want to deliberately cause offence unless she encountered a particularly obnoxious person by which she might mean someone who failed to see the humour in everything and took things so seriously that even a poo poem could not crack a smile. Indeed such a line as ‘toddlers ones that double as toys’ or ‘ones where you forget what you’re doing’ taken from the work should be able to crack a smile in the most serious of folks. If it did not produce said response then the author would be inclined to say that such a person would be unlikely to be her friend and she might even say that she was pleased that she, or PB’s positioning of said work had actually caused offense. Not that the author is nasty or anything. The author just thinks that laughter and Tom Foolery is an important part of a well rounded human being – whether they are religious and sensitive to actions that could be perceived as blasphemous or not. And there, is completed, a disclaimer.

Omly it looked like this...